Power Rankings - Week 22

1. 1. DreamTeam. And it’s official, plebes: I am now and will always be the league’s greatest team. You may fall on your swords now to spare me the trouble of eliminating you. Dare you doubt my dominance? I’m ten or more games ahead of the league’s 2^nd place team. I also got a ton of rest this week in lieu of an easy, breezy, Japanese-y matchup. Thank you, Cocaine. You’ve been a nice whipping boy. Enjoy the D-league, while I get even more rest in the upcoming bye week.… speaking of which, I highly recommend that you D-leaguers review my moves and strategies this season and dream of the day when you, too, can become a DreamTeam.

2. 2. NY Shonuff Shamans. The last two weeks have been a cakewalk, with “matchups” against Pippen Ain’t and DNP but the numbers Sho’s generating are nevertheless stunning. This week, Sho ran past DNP so fast he had the choice to sit out his stars and save some mystique for the big dance while posting another 8 – 1 drubbing. He’s by far the 2^nd biggest threat to the title, which is really saying something since a few weeks ago we didn’t even know if he’d make it into the consolation bracket. Sho, you’ve had a legendary season… regardless of how you finish, your performance was one for the ages.

3. 3. BigCountry. Almost caving to one of the league’s biggest losers (Gone Fishing) might not be as ridiculous as it sounds, but it’s a sign that you’re off your game and ready to fizzle out in the clutch. One point victories against D-league squads don’t inspire confidence, and neither does the rash of injuries that BigCountry’s team has been struck with (Roy, Evans, Camby). That said, his team definitely deserves a lot of respect for earning the all-important bye week and having the league’s 2^nd best record for the season. BC’s probably hoping that one week is all that’s needed before his ailing stars return but even that may not be enough.

4. 4. Merlness. Major props for pounding Cliphairs into the dirt and out of the post season. Haters may say Merlness is lazy, but the truth is that the roster can turn up the heat whenever it wants and has sky-high potential. Merlness took a lot of flack last week for nearly getting bounced out of the playoffs, but there was never any reason to be concerned. There’s an elite level of talent on this roster that most teams failed to match even when they add dropped. But here come the playoffs, baby. Can Merlness win out against the league’s juggernauts while keeping the moves made down to a minimum?

5. 5. Team Canada. I tip my hat to Canada’s “I’ll suck my way into the playoffs” game. A 3 – 6 loss to a nonupdating Where’s Leon? You’re gonna head into the postseason off that embarrassment? Why’s your game evaporating just as the stakes are being raised? In a way, Canada’s loss to Leon is worse than Dark Horse’s 2 - 7 loss to Pohn since Leon’s a D-leaguer who ain’t even trying. But you did skid your way into the promised land. Let me be the first to suggest a name change. If your collection of all-stars is the best Canada has to offer, it’s a third world nation.

6. 6. Dark Horse. Who would have guessed that this team ruled the league with an iron fist during the midpoint of the season? Way to bring your A game when it matters. Bungled waiver-wire moves and an epidemic of injuries led to a slow fall from grace, but this week’s utter ineptness reveals an a lack of clutchness that may be a sign of things to come. The Horse still needs time to find himself, but the season’s over and the clock’s run out.

7. 7. Pohn Wall. I may be a hater, but you have to love the fact that this leaky roster made such a serious push to get into the “Big Dance.” The seemingly unstoppable clutchness and savvy waiver-wire moves were a testament to Pohn’s excellent managerial skills. The numbers Pohn posted to get this fastbreaking, three point guzzling, blowout of a victory are astronomical: 740+ points, 80+ threes, 160+ assists, 47+ steals, and 21+ blocks. What a swan song to end the season! And as amazing as those numbers are, and despite Pohn’s frantic add dropping, the postseason remained out of reach. To make matters worse, Pohn’s got only 1 or 2 moves left, which is why I hesitate to pump Pohn’s team this far up the list. With such limited moves, does Pohn’s have a chance in hell at the D-league trophy? If it was 2006, this team would have an excellent chance but sadly, times have changed.

8. 8. Cliphairs. This blooper reel of a poorly run team shamed the league week after week with its ability to put up Ws. How gratifying it is to see that reality has finally caught up at last. I strongly suggest that Cliphairs catches up on the elementary fantasy basketball concepts it lacks. The now extended offseason will provide plenty of time for light reading.

9x.T-Wolves and Gone Fishin’. This committee has grown to appreciate the incredible heart these two rosters have shown in the face of defeat. Teams like the T-Wolves and Gone Fishin’ may not have big win totals, but by putting forth their best efforts, the owners have earned league-wide respect and probably learned a lot about the game they are playing. Furthermore, we expect one of these owners to end up with the D-league trophy, and both teams to blossom into juggernauts next year. Keep ya head up, boys.

10. Pippen Ain’t Easy. He confessed his sin of not updating and we are faithful and just to cleanse him of it.

11. Cocaine Convict. Bad, maybe even awful, but hey... at least he’s not the league’s floor.

14. DNP & Where’s Leon. Getting cut from the d-league’s playoffs makes you a league-wide disgrace. Credit Leon for at least winning this week, but predictably, it was too little too late.

Week 21 Power Rankings

1. DreamTeam is having a dream regular season. Unfortunately his playoff history has been marred by failure. With a first round bye and momentum on his side, is this the year he finally joins the elite? This week he plays the hapless Cocaine Convict, so there isn't much at stake in this matchup. I'm sure he'll be eagerly looking to the waivers to snipe promising FAs and see how the rest of the bracket fills out.

2. BigCountry seems to be peaking at the right time. His team is a well-oiled machine heading into playoffs and he seems poised to steal the second seed. Will we have not only our first 2-time winner, but a back-to-back champion? There's no reason to think it can't be.

3. Pohn Wall with the rest of the top players stumbling and bumbling this former champion put up some ridiculous stats this week. Undoubtedly he's going to have to follow it up with another amazing week if he wants to continue his run of five straight playoff appearances. Unfortunately he is running into Dark Horse who (scratching my head) has much at stake this week as well as he... fights to stay in the playoffs??? That's exactly what has to happen for Pohn to make it - he has to eliminate a player who has been at the #1 or #2 spot for 90% of the year.

4. Team Canada has once again showed this season why he is a GM to be feared. While never having won the big one, he has two of the past three years been a team to be feared. His team is loaded on bigs who score - which means he routinely locks up FG%, Pts, Rebs, and Blks. A tough matchup to whoever meets him in the first round... if he himself doesn't steal that second seed himself.

5. T'Wolves pulls out an improbable beat down on one of the former elites, showing the old vet still knows how to spoil the party. Instead of solidifying his #2 spot, Dark Horse will be fighting for a playoff spot with the rest of the dogs courtesy of former champion, T'Wolves. We doff our caps, sir.

6. Dark Horse Dark Horse was a promising thoroughbred, with almost no training he was routinely beating the older, more veteran horses around the track. His future looked bright. When the big race started, Dark Horse leaped out to a huge lead. The race looked like a foregone conclusion... but on the final leg of the race Dark Horse's lack of training and practice caught up with him as the other horses started passing him left and right. A late breaker, this horse was not... instead he stumbled and bumbled towards the finish line. Him and Merlness are cautionary tales for all those who decide to rest on the laurels of their drafts and the ease of their schedules.

7. Cliphairs could have done himself a huge favor by pulling out a victory this week against an opponent doing everything in his power to get the last spot. Instead he chokes and gags and sets up the most intriguing matchup of the last regular season week: Cliphairs vs. Merlness. If Pohn isn't able to get seven points on Dark Horse, then the winner of this matchup will most likely grab the last playoff spot.

8. Merlness what can we say about Merlness that hasn't already been said about Afghanistan? My goodness, I've never seen a team this far this fast in the history of SAB. To say this is a choke is an understatement. This is a suicide. Whenever we talk about a player who rides out his draft without actually being a GM in fantasy from this moment will be referred as busting a Merlness.

9. Gone Fishin' - Major props to Gone Fishin' who has continued to GRIND even with no hopes at playoffs. I have little doubt that this team can rock the consolation bracket and end up in seventh place when it's all said and done. He has continued to make moves and grind when those ahead and behind him and neglected their teams completely. This type of play does not go unnoticed by the committee.

10. Cocaine Convict updates every once in a while.

11-13. MIA

Week 20 Power Rankings

1. DreamTeam. I had a vision on Draft Night… a vision of a team so loaded at every single position that it would set this league on fire. I must’ve been the only one who knew this day would come… the day when, at long last, I would wear the crown. Call me King Arthur, bitches. I am the once and future king.

2. Shonuff Shamans. Some may scoff at the notion that Sho’s gone supernova on this league’s universe, but that fast rise to a Top 2 ranking is well earned. Before a one point loss to DreamTeam two weeks ago, Sho was on a 6 game win streak, and he’s picked up where he left off, posting a 5 – 4 victory vs. Cliphairs and a 7 – 2 slam over Dark Horse. Sho’s brilliance comes in the form of an all-around elite game, and the trade deadline that boosted the values of Melo and Billups. And think of all the clutchness: Sho had the misfortune of facing Pohn Wall, Merlness , DreamTeam, Cliphairs and Dark Horse back-to-back-to-back-to-back. Sheesh! Sho’s epic rise from oblivion will continue during the next two weeks, due to milk toast matchups.

3. Dark Horse. How long can a roster live off its past successes? While Dark Horse is hoping that a return to his previous name will mean a return to form, let’s face it: this squad has been a shell of its mid-season self for a very long time. In fact, ever since week 10 started, DH’s much lauded roster has lost every match vs. upper echelon competition. Last week’s extremely predictable 2 – 7 loss to Sho only increases the intense scrutiny this team has been under ever since Name Change Gate. To make matters worse, one more loss would knock this great team out of the highly desirable “bye week” playoff slot, and potentially destroy what had been a great start to this year. Get it together, DH.

4. Team Canada. Demonstrates a killer instinct. A unit that’s pulverized competition in recent weeks, as every good team should. It’s posted a methodical 7 – 1 drubbing against Pippen Ain’t and a 7 – 2 win against DNP to go with gritty 5 – 4 victories against the league’s so-called great teams (Dark Horse, Big Country). Milk toast competition seems to be all that’s left in the schedule, with only matchups against perennial doormats Where’s Leon and Cocaine. All that said, I still don’t get how this team earned the Most Likely to Win the Championship award since it falls short of the all-around categorical greatness of the league’s Sho and DreamTeam units.

5. BigCountry. Psst. BC. Mr. I-Have-So-Much-Promise. Mr. Feel-Good-Story-of-the-Year. You’re turning into a bust. That magic that dragged you up from the hell you escaped out of is slipping away. Could a team that’s been losing for the past 2 straight weeks have any LESS momentum? Losing to the likes of Cocaine Convict after barely squeaking by Pippen Ain’t revealed a disturbing trend of futility. And now, you’re getting kicked around by Team Canada? You’d be one of the league’s losers if you didn’t have such a cush closing schedule. Like Dark Horse, you need to remember how to come to play against the league’s best and brightest… the playoffs contain nothing but juggernauts.

6. Cliphairs. Oh no, not again. Cliphairs is a team featuring an ill conceived mishmash of scrubs and guys on injured reserve, but as usual, its place in the power rankings fails to reflect its extreme lack of talent. And while it should shames us all that the Cliphairs continue to fluke into wins, you also have to admire it… the way you would admire an aids fire for spreading aids while burning people. No one seems to know what it would take to end this laughably bad unit's Top 6 run. Well, I’ll tell you: one weekly matchup against me! Let me do it, dammit! Cliphairs is the frustrating zombie from the horror movies that just won’t die.

7. Merlness. You gotta hand it to Merlness. He’s been the least interested fantasy owner in our league, and yet he’s been winning game after game. The problem is, it’s been a lot of close wins in recent days against inferior competition ( 5 – 4 against Cocaine, 5 – 4 against T-Wolves). To make matters worse, the trade deadline absolutely destroyed the value of Raymond Felton, a former Top 10 ranked player on the roster. Merlness’s main advantage against opponents used to be his four PG attack spearheaded by the likes of Russell Westbrook, Deron Williams, and Raymond Felton. With Felton playing backup to Ty Lawson in Denver, that great attack just got a lot less potent. With Russell Westbrook’s excellence beginning to taper off and Deron in New Jersey, playing with scrubs that can’t score, this is a team that just ain’t as high octane as it was at the start of the season. However, Merlness’s team depth is still the stuff of legend, and if any team can get it together and squeak into the playoffs, it’s this one.

8. Pohn Wall. Pohn’s team deserves the postseason more than Cliphairs, Merlness or any of the lower ranked scrubs. Because the fantasy game is so unpredictable, anyone can have a bad draft night and Pohn’s bad draft night nearly killed his season, but he’s stayed focused and figured out how to stay relevant while improving his roster. He’s also proven that he can take it to elite competition. Against Merlness, one of the league’s most consistently elite teams, Pohn managed to swing the impossible: a come from behind squeaker in the last two days that put him ahead of many of the long-standing playoff favorites. Against DreamTeam, Pohn lost 3 – 6, but who’s beating DreamTeam these days? Pohn’s going to need a lot of his old veteran mojo and savvy to make the critical move out of the D-league playoffs, but you can’t count him out yet.

Note: Only short notes on Teams 9 – 15 since basically none of them have any realistic hope of reaching the post season promise land.

9. Cocaine Convict. Like every crack addict, Cocaine experienced a helluva high followed by an endless stream of crashing and burning.

10. T-Wolves. One of the two D-leaguers with heart. Chalk up this unit’s failures to a bad draft night and injuries.

11. Gone Fishin’. The other D-leaguer with heart. Most Likely to Win the D-league Trophy. How amazing would it be for Gone Fishin’ to finish the year in 7^th place after spending most of the year in the double digits?

x-14. Three way tie down to fourteenth place for all the quitters: Pippen Ain’t, Where’s Leon, and DNP. Your no-talent, I’ll-throw-in-the-towel ways have led you to the ruin you so richly deserve. Thank you.