Power Rankings - Week 5

1. Merlness

The undisputable king of our league. Powered to victories on talent alone. Posted a brutal, heavy-hitting 7 – 2 victory against Pohn Wall. Previously, we complimented Merlness as the master planter of a beautiful garden, but none of us realized that garden was the Garden of Eden. There’s only one team within striking distance of Merlness in terms of power ranking—DreamTeam. But DreamTeam, despite posting great numbers, would have lost to Merlness this week. Confounding critics and opponents, Merlness operates on a strict, “never add drop” policy, so the accomplishments of this roster are even more marvelous than they already seem. On weeks like this one, when its percentages are sky high (50+ percent fg, 81+ percent ft), there’s not one chink in its armor.

1.5. DreamTeam

The ONLY 30+ win team this league has to offer. Suck it, haters. You think you can hang with my collection of superstars? Think again, scumbags. I’m just getting started. Jonny Flynn’s on his way back, and when he gets here, I’m gonna take a chainsaw to everyone in this bloody league. Especially Merlness, the guy pulling weeds out in the hot sun. That’s the new ruler?! The emperor has no clothes, only rakes and shovels. Send this gardener back to the garden. Why don’t you people wake up and realize that the throne is rightfully mine. So what if Merlness would have beaten me this week? That’s just a hot week for him. Anyone can have a hot week. I thought these were power rankings, which take into account performance, present AND past. Merlness lost to one of the biggest scrubs on the planet, Where’s Leon, and then barely eeked out one point wins against even bigger scrubs, Tykes and Sho. My unit’s the consummate winner. I’ve never lost. Never. In fact, I’m always posting beat downs of 6 points or more. Always. What a horrid decision by this committee.

3. Cocaine Convict

The stunned, stammered, and stupefied loser of this week’s Best Matchup of the Week. I initially snickered at how close Cocaine’s match up with Big Country game seemed to be early in the week. What else could I make of Cocaine’s fall to a team whose only win to date was due to updating errors? How long could Cocaine’s struggle over that speed bump last? But by the time Friday night ended, Big Country was holding fast to an 8 – 1 victory, and the unthinkable suddenly seemed possible. Sho called Cocaine out, and Cocaine instantly made the move we all expected would happen, turning the edge in key columns like blocks, steals and boards. Chaos, it seemed, was ending as Saturday night wound up, with Cocaine maintain a 5 – 3 lead. But Big Country wrecked Cocaine in the clutch. He surged forward on the last and critical night, destroying Cocaine, and doing the unthinkable on the way to a 5 – 4 victory. After the high of 5 straight weeks of victories, Cocaine’s finally crashing… and how! Sure, it’s just a one point loss, but the numbers posted against Big Country weren’t just mediocre—they were pitiful. Merlness and DreamTeam—two teams Cocaine was said to be the same caliber as—would have obliterated this unit. How is it possible that a team like Cocaine, which was completely destroying and taking apart teams week after week, could churn out such paltry totals out of the blue? It's true that one bad week does not determine a team’s fate or necessarily sink it down a tier. But, like a man who finished serving time in prison for using cocaine, Cocaine Convict should know that his actions in the near future will be monitored closely... and if he screws up again, he will have much to answer for.

4. Cliphairs

Don’t look now, but this unit’s luck is running out. Last week's evolution of this squad, from fantasy fluke to fantasy juggernaut, was puzzling but Cliphairs has apparently returned to playing like the terrible piece of crap it is. This unit should be getting ripped for mediocre numbers and wins centered on nothing more than luck and poor competition, and a ridiculous, inept roster. No, the numbers this week weren't awful-- only mediocre-- but even that shocks me. There are so many players on this roster that I believe are crap—and hey, my DreamTeam would have whipped up on the Cliphairs 6 – 3 so I’m sure my analysis has some merit. What on earth is this owner doing. Whatever it is, it's not all negative since Cliphairs is some kind of freak show that manages to pull decent numbers out of guys who suck. This week's one point loss to Sho was a long time coming. That said, Cliphairs still sports a great record and last week's refreshingly strong performance is still on my mind. The unconventional approach of the owner occasionally worked wonders, leading me to believe he may be an eccentric genius. This team's latest loss drops it out of the league’s upper echelon of talent, to merely the lord of the above average squads.

5. Team Canada

Had a Thanksgiving feast, courtesy of the turkey that is DNP. Sadly, anyone can feast on DNP, but the power rankings love Canada because of the elite fantasy engine it sports, which results in consistently fantastic totals across all categories except free throw percentage. Check out some of this week’s numbers: 689 points, 289 rebounds, 50.6 percent fg, 36 threes, and over 100 assists. After 3 – 6 losses to Dark Horse and Dream Team, Canada has managed to collected itself and finally climb above .500. And, due to its core of Dwight Howard and Rajon Rondo, I fully expect Team Canada to continue to win out in the coming weeks, as the schedule gets easier. Like Sapphire from Baffin Island, or Amethyst from Ontario, this unit is one of the league’s hidden gems, and as time wears on, its lights should shine brightly for all to see.

6. Dark Horse

Dark Horse seems to consistently burn those who rank it highly. Last time this squad was highly touted, the team responded with a 3 – 6 loss that took the luster out of its hype. Complicating matters is the fact that Tykes for Ty is one of the league’s cellar dwellers who doesn’t offer a true test and Dark Horse’s numbers ranged from incredible (85+ percent ft, 48 threes, 621 points) to awful (21 steals, 23 blocks). On the plus side, Dark Horse obliterated Tykes for Ty and seems to be returning to the same powerful form that saw it defeat Team Canada’s A game. The question from last week’s power rankings still remains: is Dark Horse just another one of the worthless teams in this league that bounce up and down from week to week? There’s no sign of consistency here. Some say: “The problem may not be the horse. It may be the jockey.” I disagree. Dark Horse’s owner is displaying some new found waiver wire prowess, picking up the red-hot new starting power forward for the Nets, Kris Humphries. Humphries should be good for 30+ minutes all season long, providing colossal rebounding and block totals on a nightly basis… two things this team sorely needs. One more key pick up like that and this horse may actually turn into a time-traveling car.

7. Repeatabull

A banged up roster that’s doing all it can to stay afloat, Repeat’s the last of the above average fantasy teams. Injuries to Chris Kaman, Aaron Brooks, and Roy Hibbert have pushed this roster to the brink, and the vultures are circling it. But a 6 – 3 loss against one of the league’s top two teams would be a dream come true for other teams that don’t have Repeat’s incredible fantasy talent. Consider this: while missing three stars, Repeat posted numbers that would have won out against teams like Pippen, Team Canada, and Cocaine. What’s more, Repeat tends to use every option available, and the daily add drops have kept this squad within striking range of elite competition. On the last day of his battle with DreamTeam, Repeat add-dropped out of desperation-- four times in one day. I liked seeing that because that’s a competitor’s mentality. You don’t lie down and die. Repeat‘s the sort of cowboy who scraps his six shooter and starts throwing knives when the bullets run out. I can respect that.

8. Big Country

Against improbable odds, Big Country mounted a furious attack against the league’s previously declared best unit with a Cinderella story for the ages. Despite losing much of the 8 – 1 lead he had built going into the weekend, even a one point victory against Cocaine earns him the Most Improved Player Award. Sniff the fresh, effervescent air, Big Country. You’re out of the cellar at last. But don’t think for a second that your recent success is going to keep you up here for long. Your numbers this week were merely average, and you’re desperately going to need to build upon your success. Your recent string of good luck is a start. Your Jose Calderon is now the undisputed starting PG of the Raptors due to an unforeseen trade, and you picked up Peja Stojakovic who becomes Toronto’s starting PF due to a surprising, and potentially season-ending injury to Reggie Evans. Nice work. Your country’s president is starting to look more like Ronald Reagan and less like George W. Bush. Teams below Big Country are significantly worse, and fall under the tier of “we may have killed our season five weeks in.”

9. Pohn Wall

I’m tired of playing the “he’s gonna figure it all out” card. Aside from one half decent victory against Tykes, Pohn’s been a day late and a dollar short all season long. This week’s defeat is the third loss in a row, and the team’s verging on completely melting down. Pohn’s once legendary draft expertise— a true staple of his former excellence at the fantasy game—has apparently left him high and dry this year, and Pohn is nowhere near the waiver wire gem-finder he was in seasons past. The team’s record, however, is a poor indicator of this unit’s talent level. Pohn’s managed to lose while posting strong totals across categories for multiple weeks now. If any of the sad sack teams in this tier can pull themselves out of the dreaded hole, it’s Pohn. Unfortunately for him, the season only gets tougher, with matches against DreamTeam and Cliphairs scheduled in the near future. Pohn’s sort of like an old, dried up veteran whose best days are behind him. You never know when shades of his former self will return, but you’re pretty sure that he won’t be doing anything great more than once in a blue moon.

10. Shonuff

Pulled off a miracle win against Cliphairs at a time when half the team’s in the E.R. Call me crazy, but I still say that Tykes, DNP and Pippen—the three teams closest to Sho in wins and losses—are nowhere near Sho’s burning fantasy talent. Sho’s been working the wire with great intelligence and wisdom. His two latest additions—Amir Johnson and Landry Fields—should put up excellent numbers all year long. Unfortunately, the ship’s still sinking due to the consistently brutal schedule. One week after facing DreamTeam and two weeks removed from facing Merlness, Sho finds himself in a fierce battle with the league’s 3^rd best rated fantasy monster—Cliphairs. Sho always getting the short end of the straw, so it was nice to see him finally figure out how to deal with the adversity instead of simply bitch and lose. To add injury to insult, Ming and others are still out, and this meager victory won’t help much. I still say this franchise is in a do or die situation. It’s a joy to be in a league where Sho’s popping off at the lip, but there’s only so much time during which the excuses can last, before reality takes over.

11. Pippen Ain’t Easy

What’s wrong with me, Pippen? Why do I believe in your roster? Maybe it’s because I admire your gutsy, heart-on-your-sleeve 2^nd round pick of Derrick Rose—a move that was criticized at the time, but seems to be paying off. Maybe it’s because I see some of the sleepers on your roster and believe it’s only a matter of time before they stop underachieving. Maybe it’s because your unit’s beloved name. Unfortunately, you only tied your opponent in the Worst Matchup of the Week. And someone complain to the fantasy league office because this one was a snoozer. Two teams with records that reflect how irrelevant they are, sorely lacking any semblance of personality or performance. I love my fellow Bulls fans, but god! Say something funny or do something fresh on the wire or try some new strategy. Could your team be more nondescript. What can I say other than: solid totals all around in a forgettable performance that’s a chore to even discuss. In all fairness, Pippen, I still feel you sport a roster that’s much better than what your power ranking and position in the standings was for weeks now. Could you finally play up to your potential and stick it to the inferior competition for once? Or at least do something that’s eye catching or interesting for a change? Pippen ain’t easy, and neither is writing about your squad. Thank you.

12. Where’s Leon

I don’t know where Leon is, but he’s probably in Iraq getting blown up by Al-Queda, similar to this owner’s fantasy fortunes. Showing flashes of the major talent that is evident when you look at this roster, but still going down in the flames. This week’s extremely forgettable tie to Pippen leaves this team where it was last week—in shambles. One of the two teams that tied in this week’s Worst Matchup of the Week. I don’t know how Sho had the gall to rank this unit within the Top 5 last week. Mid-level player my ass. What good are Kobe and Millsap if you don’t know what to do with them? Look for Leon instead of asking pointless questions. And figure out how to do a better job running that blooper-reel of an organization you’re working for.

13. Tykes for Tyreke

Dealt an unfair blow, with Roy facing a chronic knee injury that will greatly lessen his fantasy impact. I’m not going to trash this team. Even though it’s in 13^th place, I admire the grit of this owner, who continues to play hard despite the record. Sometimes in fantasy, a bad or unlucky draft night can really put the screws to a team, and make a good season next to impossible. Recent addition Brandon Rush may be a diamond in the rough, and the daily add drops give this team a fighting chance. Tykes, your record may not reflect it, but you’re a cream of the crop owner. Keep doing your thing, and who knows? Stranger things have happened.

14. DNP-Coach's Decision aka Stitches

Renaming this unit to DNP may be TBone’s way of protesting the fact that two of his roster’s top draft picks receive zero minutes on a nightly basis despite being perfectly healthy. There’s at least some merit to DNP’s point, which is, “Don’t blame me-- I was dealt a real bad set of cards.” On draft night, there was no reason to assume that Murphy wouldn’t be having another 14 ppg, 10 rbs, and 2 threes season. Anthony Randolph was set to improve upon a 11 ppg, 6 rb and 2 blocks season. But how long are you going to whine and scrounge for pity before starting to cope with your situation? Fantasy is about dealing with the curves. Each season has curves for every roster, and if you can’t handle that, DNP, maybe you should rename yourself Pussy. I get that you didn’t start out with the most talent, but show some competitive spirit and stream the wire every day or make deals that increase your fantasy power, or figure out what studs on the waiver are about to break out and save up on them. Don’t just sit there like the league’s biggest turkey. The utter lack of gamesmanship, maneuverability and dearth of fantasy talent leave the roster where it usually is—at the bottom.

Week 4 Power Rankings

1. Cocaine Convict - His toughest test was in week 1 where he eeked out a 'victorious' 4-2 over Pippen Ain't Easy, but just as most Week 1s in the NBA - this Pyrrhic victory did not foreshadow the future.  Convict hasn't looked back since Week 1 totaling 19 points in just the last 3 weeks.  A heady victory over fantasy legend Pohn Wall has him kicking in doors and taking names; more like five-o, than a convict if you ask me.

2. Merlness - As I was writing out this power ranking, my little sister came up behind me and was reading silently until I typed 'Merlness' at which point she in stifled voice said, "Merlness?!" and then began laughing hysterically.  This team, however, is no laughing matter as Merlness is beginning to prove that he is here to stay.  A close Week 1 loss hasn't affected the consistency he is beginning to show.  Much of this ascension can no doubt be attributed to the parallel ascension of one Russell Westbrook.

3. DreamTeam - DreamTeam has not only displayed consistency, but a bone crushing consistency in the first 4 weeks.  Not a single loss and not a single win under 6 points.  This team is less of a dream and more of a nightmare to whoever they play on a given week. Hard to see them falling out of the top 3 any time in the near future.  He looks to finally be putting his money where his mouth usually is.

4. Cliphairs - The only team we could probably diagnose with ADHD.  Some weeks it seems this team doesn't want it, then other weeks it comes out swinging for the fences.  Hard to know where Cliphairs' intentions are, but if and when this team decides to pull it together it's opponents may be on the wrong end of 7-2.

5. Where's Leon - Now we enter the mid-level player.  Where's Leon had a brilliant victory over Dark Horse and his name is on the short list of teams that are a few good turns of fortune from becoming power players.  One problem for this team is Kobe Bryant or perhaps more specifically, The Lakers.  When LA is blowing teams out of the water by 30 before midway in the 3rd quarter expect Kobe's minutes to take a massive hit which in turn hits Leon's stats.  As the Lakers start playing tougher opponents in the 2nd half of the season, look for this team to come up.

6. Repeatabull - Repeatabull's first week snowman gave Power Ranking committees palpitations with the possibilities, but it was really just smoke and mirrors as Cocaine Convict turned the sun on and him into melted snow with a carrot and top hat.  Eeking out a meager victory against Pohn Wall followed by another shellacking at the hands of Merlness, Brings this past champion back to reality. 

7. Pohn Wall - Heady loss? Yes it really was.  Two three pointers could have given Pohn Wall an improbable comeback victory over Cocaine Convict, but as has been the case this season he was a day late and a dollar short.  Tough to say when this team will decide to flip the switch (granted, the switch still works).  Pohn Wall is on a 3 week losing streak and he's going to have to find a way to turn it around against one of the premiere teams in the league if he wants to keep his chances for playoffs from bottoming out.

8. Dark Horse - Dark Horse reminds me of Phil Mickelson this season.  You know, a guy with all the talent in the world, and all he has to do to take the #1 spot in the world is shoot even par in the 4th round, but instead shoots himself out of the entire tourney with a bad round.  Dark Horse isn't ready for the spotlight.  But he does manage to live up to that name of his just fine.  When is he going to up his game and go from dark horse to front runner.

9. Team Canada - Now we come to the lower tier.  Team Canada, who recently became a father as little as 3 weeks ago (Congrats!), has a good excuse for not coming tight with the fantasy game.  Understandably, his attentions are elsewhere, but my mercy only extends so far.  A team with Rajon Rondo and Dwight Howard are in prime position to dominate the fantasy landscape, but when your depth chart begins and ends with those two, you are going to have problems.

10. Pippen Ain't Easy - It's been a rough start to the year for Pippen, other than a victory against Sitches, there hasn't been a whole lot to celebrate.  Of course, losing Dwayne Wade has a lot to do with this.  If Wade can get back into playing shape, which he still isn't in, and starts feeling the imperative to lift the so-so Heat, then Pippen may have something to smile about.  Some roster changes may also be an order, if anything, for some consistency.  I look at the roster as it is and have no idea who is going to produce what, when.

11. Stiches - Ah yes, the bottom dwellers.  It seemed like a battle for the bottom with Stiches played Big Country, whom he triumphed over in cellar fashion with a 5-4.  That victory is the main reason this team is here and not last. Here we have another former champion, trying to find even a shadow of his former glory.  This is definitely not the year for incumbents.

12. Tykes for Tyreke - Without a victory to his name and then a 1-8 thumping? Things aren't looking good for this kid.  May have to call child protective services and put this tyke in foster care after the treatment he's been receiving.  This week holds a spot at redemption, though - Dark Horse is trying to find his identity, per usual, and Tyreke could be the beneficiary if DH comes up empty.  On the other hand, DH has been known to turn on the jets unexpectedly and showcase that infamous potential.  Lots on the line for that match up.

13. Big Country - Insult to injury as Greg Oden goes out for the season.  Things aren't looking good for our defending champion, but fear not - many a fantasy miracle has been gifted in the holiday season and the standings are close enough that a couple of big victories could catapult even the weakest team into contention.

Power Rankings for Week 3

1. Cocaine Convicts. Against all odds, Cocaine’s red hot win streak somehow got a little hotter. I (temporarily) relinquish the throne and the crown to this unit, after its 7 – 2 massacre of Stitches. Stitches is ranked dead last in this week’s rankings, and while the competition may have been flimsy, Cocaine’s performance sure wasn’t. 580 points, 43 threes, 46 steals, 39 blocks… breath taking numbers at a point in the season in which Cocaine could have coasted. Why should anyone be surprised that Cocaine didn’t take the week off? In a sense, every team that has come Cocaine’s way has been turned into a metaphorical penniless, loser junkie on the street. I have extra respect for this squad since it has already downed Repeat, the league’s fifth ranked stallion, in week 2. I also admit Cocaine’s roster could be arguably better than DreamTeam in terms of overall talent and that it consistently puts up steal and three point numbers that even the elite squads would be hard pressed to match. And Cocaine’s crafty use of the waiver, to pick up DeAndre Jordan at a time when Chris Kaman’s injured, is something else to admire. You street dwellers must give the new king his due… but as second in command, I will be somewhere else, plotting his assassination.

1.5. DreamTeam. Sorry boys, but the drop off in talent between my roster and the teams that aren’t named Cocaine is huge. Now, before you throw any obligatory hate in my direction, let me point out that I had an off week and still clobbered my competition 6 - 3. Just call me Tiger Woods because my C game is better than most of your A games. During the now routine beat down I gave my opponent, I also managed to add some studs-- Kyle Lowry and Jonny Flynn-- off the waiver. Kyle’s gonna be good for 13 – 15 ppg, 5 assists and 1.5 steals over the next month, and I fully expect Jonny Flynn to improve on last season’s numbers, when the kid averaged 14 ppg and 5 assists, with 1 steal and 1 three to boot. My unit is perhaps the league’s best at bigman numbers—its 284 rebounds and 37 blocks are nothing to sneeze at, even in an off week. Now I’ve got guards who consistently add assists and steals. Be afraid, haters. Be very afraid.

3. Dark Horse. Truly finished off a mind-blowing victory. Took a jackhammer and absolutely pounded Team Canada, smashing Canada’s extremely elite numbers. Posted some gargantuan numbers: 48 threes, 614 points, 223 rebounds, 131 assists. Would have won out against every roster in this league, and is therefore given the prestigious (first, and now perhaps weekly) Most Improved Player award. Simply the hottest, fastest rising breakout star. Stand up and take notice, plebes. Perhaps this horse isn’t a dark horse after all. Maybe it’s Man O’ War.

4. Merlness. The opponent this week, Sho, may have had a record that was of the league’s doormat, but winning out wasn’t easy. Sho posted strong totals in almost every column. That’s why I’ll say the victory Merlness pulled off here was extremely underrated. Especially since this unit’s “watch the garden grow style*” doesn’t involve add dropping. The victory is also in line with our expectations for this elite team, which posts impressive numbers on a weekly basis. The amazing thing is, the lesser known talents on Merlness have yet to fully bloom. I like a lot of this unit’s sleeper picks and believe Merlness is cultivating a fantasy garden like a master planter. I believe this is garden of Merlness will only grow richer and more vibrant as the season progresses.

*credit Sho for that great description

5. Repeatabull. A very chaotic, uneven performer that tends to shoot up and down the chart. Amusing to watch, but difficult to predict. Repeat’s posted the league’s first 8 – 0 victory of this season, a feat that will probably go unmatched by any other unit in the league for the rest of the year. Then again, Repeat quickly struggled to put 3 points on the board during the very next week. This week Repeat’s stock is up again, after a hard fought and well earned victory over Pohn Wall. Let’s hope this team isn’t stuck on repeating incompetence followed by brilliance. Don’t be Loul Deng, Repeat. Be Derrick Rose.

6. Team Canada. Every week, Team Canada posts incredible numbers, so it’s difficult to understand why the losses keep piling up. Is losing in shocking ways a Canadian thing? Canada’s own appraisal of its situation is surprisingly accurate. Canada says, “[We’re] the Rockets… a pretty damn good team on paper [that]… can’t seem to pull out some wins.” I concur. There’s not a single player on Canada’s roster who doesn’t post impressive numbers or make an impact, and it’s clear that Canada’s brilliant punting strategy on Draft Night is what allows for the elite totals it collects in virtually every category except free throw shooting. Canada’s a victim of a severely taxing early schedule—a schedule that’s featured head to heads with teams currently ranked 2^nd and 3^rd overall. Yes, Canada, you do fall… but this committee doesn’t believe you deserve to fall very far at all. Not after posting those numbers.

7. Cliphairs. Patience with this team’s flukiness is wearing thin. It’s hard to trust a unit that typically posts craptacular to mediocre stats across the board, and yet somehow winds up churning out victories. The recurring theme of this unit seems to be: “it’s better to be lucky than good” but it was only a one point victory, and at this rate, the luck’s running out. I mean, you can’t fluke your way into the playoffs… can you? There is so much crap on this team’s roster, I don’t know where to start. Go read a fantasy basketball manual to get a clue. How are the rest of the league’s teams sucking more than this unit?

8. Shonuff. I never thought this team was nearly as bad as its trainwreck track record would indicate, and this week’s totals prove that it’s relatively gifted: 560+ points, 40+ steals, 40 threes, 115+ assists, a .860 free throw percentage, and decent block and field goal percentage numbers. But yes, this squad nevertheless fell to a 4 – 5 loss against Merlness this week. And yes, this is the same team that infamously gave up a 0 – 8 loss to Repeatabull. And yes, this is the same team that will probably have the only 0 – 8 loss any team in the league experiences during this fantasy season. But you have to feel some of Sho’s pain. Like Team Canada, Sho’s had a schedule that’s been absolutely brutal in the early going. This unit has faced Repeatabull, a team currently ranked as the league’s fifth best roster, and Merlness, a team that’s currently ranked as the league’s fourth best overall. To make matters worse, this week Sho’s up against DreamTeam, the league’s second best unit in both winning percentage and power ranking. I’m sorry, but the short term doesn’t look all that appealing unless... will DreamTeam be magnanimous and give Sho a mercy victory?

9. Pohn Wall. Even though this team is showing only shades of its former greatness, things are looking up. True, Pohn’s add-dropping failed to save this team from what’s become the routine close loss, and yes, Pohn is more Gilbert Arenas than John Wall, but like fans of Gil, I believe a return to past glory could be in the works. Pohn faces the difficult task of finding gems off the waiver to infuse into the team’s currently piss poor level of fantasy talent. Because Pohn’s done it before in prior years, because the current team has managed to put up a hell of a fight every week, and due to the amount of dead weight featured by fantasy teams below Pohn, I can’t leave it out of the Top Nine.

10. Tykes for Tyreke. Let’s admire the competitiveness and fire of Tykes. Saddled with an injured and underwhelming group of talent and facing the league’s DreamTeam, Tykes recognized the need to add drop certain slots. Not only did Tykes’ decision make the week infinitely more interesting, as he nearly closed the gap in steals and even threatened to win for a while, but Tykes has presumably learned more about how to use the waiver, and will be a wiser and more difficult opponent in the future. This unit may have posted a 3 - 6 loss, but the winds of change and respect seem to be blowing in its direction.

11. Where’s Leon. Does anyone know where Leon is? Ask him to come replace the guy managing this loaded roster. How does your talented unit lose to a team that just posted 401 points, 149 rebounds, and 98 assists along with mediocre block, field goal, and free throw totals? Sure, the loss is only by a point, but it’s embarrassing and it comes on the heels of a 2 – 6 drubbing the week before. That said, the remaining teams are so awful, so lacking in fantasy performance, that I have to put Leon above them. Because the frustrating thing is that Leon actually had the statistical power to pull this one out. If just a few guys had stayed on the bench, or if team had used the waiver effectively, we’d probably be talking about an epic win.

x-12. Pippen Ain’t Easy. No, “Pippen” may not be easy, but updating is. Love the team name and believe this roster is much better than where it’s currently ranked, but this is what happens when your team fails to pay the tiny bit of attention necessary to update. Massive losses, such as the 3 – 6 epic fail against Big Country, and a lack of respect in the power rankings. I’d even say that the ONLY reason Big Country beat Pippen this week is because of that one mistake of not updating. But how can we trust that your team’s got the goods when your guys don’t even get off the bench? To make matters worse, Pippen’s up against Team Canada, a roster that would be hellish to battle even for the league’s top ranked contenders. Pippen goes out of the pool, into the frying pan. The schedule’s difficult matchups are the reason why you’ve got to take full advantage of the league’s Big Countrys.

x-12. Big Country. Sometimes in fantasy, all you need is a lucky twist of fate to get your season back into focus. Pippen failed to update, and suddenly, the door was opened for Big Country to pull off a stunning 6 – 3 victory that no one saw coming. But who else is gonna fail to update? I’ve done my best to move up Big Country’s ranking, since the victory is potentially huge, but I have a hard time buying the unit as any kind of fantasy force. Win your next match legitimately if you want to see your squad rise. No country goes from being Nigeria to the United States overnight.

14. Stitches. I’m not the guy who kicks you when you’re down and bent over to pick up your teeth. Get it together.

Week 2 Power Rankings

1. DreamTeam - hard to argue with the numbers. DT rests in the upper echelon in FG, FT, PTS, RBS, STL, and BLK.  This is one of the more complete teams in the league and his 6-2 drubbing of Where's Leon vaulted him into 1st place in the standings.  A closer inspection of the actual 6-2 win shows that many of the margins were statistically negligible - he won points by 3, steals by 5, and blocks by 2.  We'll give him his due this week, but as of now all these positions are as fluid as running water.  I would be highly surprised if most on the list are in the same spot in two weeks.


2. Team Canada - crushing saplings usually doesn't win you prime real estate on the power rankings, but an overall glance at his roster should gives lots of teams pause for concern.  When your roster includes Howard and Rondo and Griffin, you're going to be in for a dogfight. 


3. Merlness - climbs into uncharted territory for him.  While his victory was rather meek for playing someone so weak, looking at the numbers tells you this team has yet to show any weaknesses.  He doesn't rank lower than seven in eight of nine categories.  That's quite remarkable and leads me to believe his team is well balanced.  His challenge will be turning those middle of the road categories into top three stuff.


4. Pippen Ain't Easy - statistically is like a poor man's Merlness, but when I say middle of the road I mean smack dab in the middle of the road.  He is only top four in one category, but he isn't bottom four in any.  It really hurt that he wasn't able to squeeze one or two of those ties he had last week, but 5-2 against a former champion isn't overlooked by this committee.


5. Cocaine Convict - talk about taming the paper beast. Last year's runner-up is looking to redeem himself and gain league immortality, but his numbers are going to have to pick up if he wants to play with the big boys.  But this ranking may be tilted against him since that MSG cancellation affected him to the tune of five players.  His power house team last year was slowed down when playoff bound stars were being benched like it was the preseason.  Since his roster is devoid of any of those, he'll need a 2004 Pistons performance if he wants to reign supreme.   Repeatabull put up a first week performance that obviously wasn't repeatable.


6. Dark Horse - year after year Dark Horse shows glimpses of breaking out of a perennial funk, but year after year he lives up to his namesake only.  Without a single 20 point scorer, it's tough to see this team carried alone by an aging Steve Nash - much like Steve Nash's actual team.  His marginal loss to a powerhouse shows this horse has some life in it yet.  We'll keep from putting it out to pasture for another couple weeks.


7. Where's Leon - this position may prove to be far too low for a team that posts as good numbers as this one does.  I could have just as easily put Leon in the top three without blinking an eye.  But I'm also a pragmatist and this ain't no useless John Hollinger Power Ranking.  Where's Leon leads the league in PTS, AST, and TO and is in 2nd place in REB.  That is VERY impressive.  So why no PR love? Well, for starters I don't believe in Brandon Jennings. I've been scorned once already by that bum. Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me.  I don't think Kobe is going to be anywhere near the prolific scorer we've seen in the past.  David West has been running hot and cold.  And AI (I guess there's only one now), is injured.  If this team isn't an outlier, than chances are it will rise after this week, but only results will determine that.


8. Repeatabull - you know what wasn't repeatable? His first week performance.  No Monta and no Brooks, not to mention the soon to be returning Bynum all spell trouble. If he keeps repeating performances like week 2, the only thing that will be repeatable is another disappointing year.



9. Stitches - is good for blocks. Can I end my comment there? Well, so far he has been anyway.  Brook Lopez can be a power house as is Josh Smith, but I fear this is the little kids pool and there's little chance of drowning, because it's just not deep.


10. Cliphairs - i think there were a few days where no roster updates were made and people were left off ala sirchunksalot.  Hope that isn't foreshadowing for the year to come.


11. Big Country - the country may be big, but no one wants to live in it. Partly due to the piss poor draft, which may seem odd for someone choosing at #1, but drafts are made in the 5-9 rounds, not the 1-4.  Perhaps he should have tried the strategy that gave him a championship last year... autodraft. Ouch.


12. Pohn Wall - this is a sad showing for a once perennial threat to win the league championship.  I wouldn't count him out, but he will need to wield all the veteran prowess and skill from his being an elder statesmen of fantasy sports if he wants any chance of being in the playoff hunt.


13. Tykes For Tyreke - this one was a numbers game. How many categories did Tykes rank in the bottom 5? Five. His best category was FT%.  It's only the 2nd week, so no need to hit the "Rebuilding Mode" button just yet, but those are some wretched numbers to start the year off.  Doesn't help that Roy still doesn't seem all that comfortable on the floor just yet. Hickson was a great pickup, but other than that it's pretty, "Eh."