Week 20 Power Rankings

1. DreamTeam. I had a vision on Draft Night… a vision of a team so loaded at every single position that it would set this league on fire. I must’ve been the only one who knew this day would come… the day when, at long last, I would wear the crown. Call me King Arthur, bitches. I am the once and future king.

2. Shonuff Shamans. Some may scoff at the notion that Sho’s gone supernova on this league’s universe, but that fast rise to a Top 2 ranking is well earned. Before a one point loss to DreamTeam two weeks ago, Sho was on a 6 game win streak, and he’s picked up where he left off, posting a 5 – 4 victory vs. Cliphairs and a 7 – 2 slam over Dark Horse. Sho’s brilliance comes in the form of an all-around elite game, and the trade deadline that boosted the values of Melo and Billups. And think of all the clutchness: Sho had the misfortune of facing Pohn Wall, Merlness , DreamTeam, Cliphairs and Dark Horse back-to-back-to-back-to-back. Sheesh! Sho’s epic rise from oblivion will continue during the next two weeks, due to milk toast matchups.

3. Dark Horse. How long can a roster live off its past successes? While Dark Horse is hoping that a return to his previous name will mean a return to form, let’s face it: this squad has been a shell of its mid-season self for a very long time. In fact, ever since week 10 started, DH’s much lauded roster has lost every match vs. upper echelon competition. Last week’s extremely predictable 2 – 7 loss to Sho only increases the intense scrutiny this team has been under ever since Name Change Gate. To make matters worse, one more loss would knock this great team out of the highly desirable “bye week” playoff slot, and potentially destroy what had been a great start to this year. Get it together, DH.

4. Team Canada. Demonstrates a killer instinct. A unit that’s pulverized competition in recent weeks, as every good team should. It’s posted a methodical 7 – 1 drubbing against Pippen Ain’t and a 7 – 2 win against DNP to go with gritty 5 – 4 victories against the league’s so-called great teams (Dark Horse, Big Country). Milk toast competition seems to be all that’s left in the schedule, with only matchups against perennial doormats Where’s Leon and Cocaine. All that said, I still don’t get how this team earned the Most Likely to Win the Championship award since it falls short of the all-around categorical greatness of the league’s Sho and DreamTeam units.

5. BigCountry. Psst. BC. Mr. I-Have-So-Much-Promise. Mr. Feel-Good-Story-of-the-Year. You’re turning into a bust. That magic that dragged you up from the hell you escaped out of is slipping away. Could a team that’s been losing for the past 2 straight weeks have any LESS momentum? Losing to the likes of Cocaine Convict after barely squeaking by Pippen Ain’t revealed a disturbing trend of futility. And now, you’re getting kicked around by Team Canada? You’d be one of the league’s losers if you didn’t have such a cush closing schedule. Like Dark Horse, you need to remember how to come to play against the league’s best and brightest… the playoffs contain nothing but juggernauts.

6. Cliphairs. Oh no, not again. Cliphairs is a team featuring an ill conceived mishmash of scrubs and guys on injured reserve, but as usual, its place in the power rankings fails to reflect its extreme lack of talent. And while it should shames us all that the Cliphairs continue to fluke into wins, you also have to admire it… the way you would admire an aids fire for spreading aids while burning people. No one seems to know what it would take to end this laughably bad unit's Top 6 run. Well, I’ll tell you: one weekly matchup against me! Let me do it, dammit! Cliphairs is the frustrating zombie from the horror movies that just won’t die.

7. Merlness. You gotta hand it to Merlness. He’s been the least interested fantasy owner in our league, and yet he’s been winning game after game. The problem is, it’s been a lot of close wins in recent days against inferior competition ( 5 – 4 against Cocaine, 5 – 4 against T-Wolves). To make matters worse, the trade deadline absolutely destroyed the value of Raymond Felton, a former Top 10 ranked player on the roster. Merlness’s main advantage against opponents used to be his four PG attack spearheaded by the likes of Russell Westbrook, Deron Williams, and Raymond Felton. With Felton playing backup to Ty Lawson in Denver, that great attack just got a lot less potent. With Russell Westbrook’s excellence beginning to taper off and Deron in New Jersey, playing with scrubs that can’t score, this is a team that just ain’t as high octane as it was at the start of the season. However, Merlness’s team depth is still the stuff of legend, and if any team can get it together and squeak into the playoffs, it’s this one.

8. Pohn Wall. Pohn’s team deserves the postseason more than Cliphairs, Merlness or any of the lower ranked scrubs. Because the fantasy game is so unpredictable, anyone can have a bad draft night and Pohn’s bad draft night nearly killed his season, but he’s stayed focused and figured out how to stay relevant while improving his roster. He’s also proven that he can take it to elite competition. Against Merlness, one of the league’s most consistently elite teams, Pohn managed to swing the impossible: a come from behind squeaker in the last two days that put him ahead of many of the long-standing playoff favorites. Against DreamTeam, Pohn lost 3 – 6, but who’s beating DreamTeam these days? Pohn’s going to need a lot of his old veteran mojo and savvy to make the critical move out of the D-league playoffs, but you can’t count him out yet.

Note: Only short notes on Teams 9 – 15 since basically none of them have any realistic hope of reaching the post season promise land.

9. Cocaine Convict. Like every crack addict, Cocaine experienced a helluva high followed by an endless stream of crashing and burning.

10. T-Wolves. One of the two D-leaguers with heart. Chalk up this unit’s failures to a bad draft night and injuries.

11. Gone Fishin’. The other D-leaguer with heart. Most Likely to Win the D-league Trophy. How amazing would it be for Gone Fishin’ to finish the year in 7^th place after spending most of the year in the double digits?

x-14. Three way tie down to fourteenth place for all the quitters: Pippen Ain’t, Where’s Leon, and DNP. Your no-talent, I’ll-throw-in-the-towel ways have led you to the ruin you so richly deserve. Thank you.