Week 16 Power Rankings

1. ???

2-x.Dream Team – Unfortunately, almost every roster in this league outside of DNP can pull off an 8 – 1 victory against a non-updating league doormat, and mine failed to earn much style points, posting paltry totals in a number of key columns on its way to the inevitable victory. Who cares. DreamTeam’s never been big on style—it’s all about substance. Substance, like one of the league’s best records and a virtual lock to the playoffs. Substance, like four players ranked within the Top 30 by Yahoo over the last 30 days (six players within the Top 40 during that same time period). Which is why, if Chris Kaman and Mo Williams ever get back, Dream Team’s gonna set this league on fire. But, clearly, we’re not yet at that day.

2-x. Dark Horse / Tru Warrior – It’s unfathomable that Dark Horse, a team that was galloping miles ahead of the rest of the pack, suddenly finds itself in a dead heat with DreamTeam. Evidently the humble and focused Dark Horse has given way to a self-important and unbearable loser called “Tru Warrior.” It’s an odd move to rename your team while it’s tearing apart all competition-- a move that reeks of arrogance and braggadocio. What made Dark Horse refreshing was that it’s not really been about that. Unlike DT, who has been the first to play the villain role, DH was a cautious youngster turning heads with his remarkable play. Now he’s “Tru Warrior” –shades of early season Sho, a guy who talks a good game, and delivers nothing. And talk about delivering NOTHING… 353 points, 66 assists, 18 steals, 165 rebounds. So why’s Tru Warrior still in the #2 spot? Because, like it or not, Dark Horse earned respect over the many weeks of this season... much respect.

3. Merlness – Evidently, even epic failure to update this roster doesn’t stop it from slam dunking over the competition. Often viewed as the last member of this season’s so-called “Big Three,” I wonder if Merlness is the league’s most underrated team. He’s the one league owner who puts almost no effort into running a successful and effective fantasy juggernaut. What happens in the playoffs, when Merlness may finally give it the old college try?

4. BigCountry – His forceful victories have required this committee to create a “Big Four.” BC’s Cinderella story arc may have been finally completed. Remember, BC’s gone from being the league’s absolute worst player for many weeks, to what he is now: one of the league’s most elite teams. I refuse to push BC’s ranking past former members of the “Big Three” for two reasons: 1) despite the strong 7 – 2 victory BC earned, his team was just horrible. His unit’s totals—its 412 points, 19 threes, 183 rebounds, 21 steals, and 19 blocks—would have made it easy for almost any team to shred it. 2) The season’s most consistent fantasy performers tend to be the ones who have staying power. If BC’s team can manage to return to its excellent totals during the next few weeks, perhaps we can talk about moving it up a spot or two.

5. Team Canada – Am I the only one disappointed by this unit’s mediocre victory over Cliphairs? Then again, Team Canada’s performance has been lackadaisical all season long, and, while I hate to say it, this victory DOES come against one of the league’s above .500 teams. Canada’s shown us the pitfalls of punting categories in head-to-head competition. For instance, teams constructed to punt categories rarely post 8 – 1 victories. Why? Because, while punting means less losing (Canada is 71 & 63 on the season), it apparently also means less winning.

6. Cliphairs – As I’ve said a thousand times this season, there’s no good reason why the Cliphairs keep winding up in our league’s Top 6. It’s a testament to how bad our league’s become that a horrid, poorly put-together “team” like this one hogs a playoff spot. I’m not just being a hater—I just don’t see how the scrubs on its roster aren’t hitting the waivers pronto. Take the injured Francisco Garcia, who is going to be almost as irrelevant when he comes back (newsflash: Beno Udrih is healthy).So Garcia’s logging zeros, just to come back in four weeks and go back to posting 9.2 ppg, 2.5 rebounds? How does that make sense?

7. Sho-nuff Shamans – Just call him BigCountry Jr. That’s right, Sho’s late season playoff push has flashbacks of early season BigCountry, a team that would rise to improbable heights. But Sho’s latest string of victories have been spectacular—none more so than this week’s mind-blowing 5 – 4 gargantuan effort over Pohn Wall. Any other team would have been dwarfed by Sho’s monstrous totals: his 51.5 percent from fg, 54 threes and 744 points were #1 among all of the league’s rosters. Call me sentimental. I miss the days when Sho’s mouth was running more than his game. If Sho posts numbers that are similar to what he’s pulled off today, you can expect to quickly see him go shooting up the rankings like a comet over the sky. In fact, the only thing that prevents me from moving Sho further up the chart RIGHT NOW is the fact that this could just be one hot week… and what a week! Sho gets the award for hottest team in the league. Let’s hope he can capitalize on it.

8. Pohn Wall – Simply a victim of circumstance. His phenomenal effort against Sho will go unsung by the league’s win-loss record, but Pohn’s Kobe Bryant-esque performance is something to marvel at. When has anyone lost the three point category despite pumping in 53 threes? Or the points category after scoring 623 points? Those FT (88.4 %), AST (129), ST (38), and BLK (40) numbers were incredible, too. Pohn was prophetic when he warned Sho: “Get ready for a slug fest.” You said it. The matchup couldn’t have been uglier, or meaner. Even though Pohn lost 5 – 4, you must respect the owner as a cold and calculated competitor. In spite of Sho’s brilliance, Pohn was able to force a down-to-the-wire ending in which literally one three would have meant a tie and two would have resulted in a win. Even though both Pohn is on the heels of a loss and still outside the playoff picture, betting against this former champ is a bet I wouldn’t take.

9. Big Sexy / Repeatabull –A lot of the playoff hopefuls can thank Big Sexy for opening the door for them. After all, BS’s plunge in Weeks 10 and 11 are the only reason why teams near .500 have a chance. Up until BS’s epic dive, he had the sixth spot locked up pretty good. Now, he’s probably consolation fodder. But maybe he knows something we don’t. Like Babe Ruth signaling left before hitting a home run in that direction, “Hey scrubs! Here comes that late season run to sneak into the playoffs!” And boom! He’s fresh off a 7 – 2 victory. It could be a sign of new things to come. Or, like his abbreviation, it could all be… B.S.

10. Pippen Ain’t – Jumping up and down the rankings every week like a small child… and like every attention-whoring child, I’m finding it harder and harder to give it the attention it so craves. Yeah, yeah, you pulled off an 8 – 1 victory, and that’s so amazing and blah blah blah… but string together two consistent weeks before you expect anyone to care.

11. Cocaine Convict – Oh my! How far a once great team has fallen. Last week’s easy win over Pippen was as I suspected—fool’s gold. The squad’s now won a mere 2 of the past 11 matchups. What’s strange, however, is that the league’s playoff picture is still wide-open for him. That’s right, Cocaine is still in the conversation for the last playoff spot. Does he have anything left in the tank?

12. Gone Fishin’ – How much does it suck to be Gone Fishin’? This squad actually elevated its game and managed to post some mediocre numbers this week instead of the pathetic numbers it’s usually up to, while the opponent kept failing to update. End result: a 3 – 6 Gone Fishin’ LOSS. I’m not surprised by the loss, but I am surprised that GF’s “A” game doesn’t even match Merlness’s “F minus” game.

13. Where’s Leon –We’re putting both you and Leon on milk cartons.

14. DNP – Coach’s Decision – Features a disturbing lack of win.