1. Dark Horse – The fires of an assassination plot were quickly put out last week, as our league’s king wielded his scepter like a magical hose. Cliphairs was on a dramatic rise (a rise built on pure luck, but a rise nevertheless), and experts wondered whether the fluky juggernaut would blast the young king down from his throne. But the only thing that was blasting were our league leader’s fists, as they pummeled Cliphairs back down to the depths the way Rick James’s fist pummeled Charlie Murphy.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SMuXwdUS_Lc&feature=related
2. Merlness – When the clash of titans in Week 9 revealed Dark Horse to be the superior competitor, Merlness took out his fury on the teams remaining in his wake, posting epic 6 -2 and 7 – 2 victories. Due to his blue-collar, lunch pail roots and the mind boggling fact that his elite unit has only need 2 moves this season, Merlness stands atop the rest of the league’s titans.
3. DreamTeam – I am so pissed at the lack of clutch my squad just demonstrated. Why do I have so many irritating players on my roster. Especially that knucklehead Andray Blatche, who is a baby and whiner, and that scumbag Chris Kaman, whose little sprained ankle has kept him out of action for over two months. After my unit turned a surefire 7 – 2 win into a 4 – 5 loss on the last day of the week, I think I got the same feeling that this guy did.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uwTJ08lb73Q
4. Big Country – The days of being Afganistan are over. Face it, Big Country is on the rise-- although I won’t call it America just yet. This unit continues to disprove doubters by posting monstrous stats on a weekly basis. The return of Andrew Bynum, the continued brilliance of Luke Ridnour, and other key waiver-wire adds reveal an owner who’s smart, savvy and talented. You’ve got to admire a unit that was absolutely dead in the water, and that had nothing, slowly but surely turning into a ferocious and prosperous fantasy beast.
5. Team Canada – This Shawn Marion-owning team gets a big boost due to Caron Butler’s injury, but it’s one of the most unclutch rosters on the planet. One day it’s injuries, the next it’s games postponed or an extremely hot week by the opposition. Whatever the rationale is, the end result is bizarre. Canada features one of the most talented, loaded rosters in the game and yet it’s so cowardly. Whenever I think of Team Canada, I think of this clip.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uG2tTe-7I7c
6. Cliphairs – Ugh. Can some newcomers please rise while this overrated team falls? Week after week I tell you how lucky and borderline bad the Cliphairs are, and week after week, this fluking team stays atop the rankings. And now, even after a 3 – 6 loss, Cliphairs gets power ranked as the 6th best team we have. It ain’t right. Kind of like this guy’s movie pitch.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Wu54keioqE
7. Pippen Ain’t Easy – Beating the league’s DreamTeam even by a point ain’t easy. I tip my hat to this perennial up and down team (check the schedule—Pippen’s never had more than two wins or losses in a row). Perhaps a victory against the league’s elites can get this roster going past the mediocrity it’s been wallowing in.
8. Cocaine Convict – A team that’s not twisting in the wind. No, Cocaine did that weeks ago. Now he’s dropping off the map. After a strong start, the kid’s been driving in the wrong direction like an African tribesman who doesn’t know how to work a car (see clip). That’s right. Convict has only been able to win ONCE in the past seven weeks. The future doesn’t look too bright, either. This week’s match is against the league’s #1 unit in both power rankings and standings. Prepare for more suckage.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fxCJL6GGsdE
9. Pohn Wall – Get past the wistful, “oh, if only a former champ could make it” wrap on Pohn and you’ll see a team that’s a patchwork of inconsistent slobs, and productive guys that could easily get their minutes shaved badly in the very near future. I’m talking about Kyle Lowry, Antwan Jamison, Gilbert Arenas, Andris Beidrins, and Ben Gordon. Talk about dicey players. Pohn’s plan to use these guys is like the plan in this clip...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JODyKwTSce8&feature=related
10. Shonuff Shamans –Yes, I rate him the best of the absolute worst teams. Compared to the other lightweights, Sho’s a god. The problem is that Sho doesn’t know how to win big. He’s had as many weekly wins as players rated far superior to him, but they’ve all basically been 5 – 4 wins. He’s fumbled away big victories and turned close losses into massive losses. Sho’s performance last week was like Lamar Odom in this clip…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kInf6UV6JhI&feature=related
11. Repeatabull – What an epic fail. So pathetic. How do you go from being one of the greatest just 2 weeks ago to suddenly and completely one of the worst? Repeat’s like a guy who airballs a dunk.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JMllo5cVQZ8&feature=related
12. Where’s Leon – Answer: He’s gone fishing, and you have too, judging by the looks of things.
13. Gone Fishing – The hardest working GM has accepted his fate at last, with a self-aware name to boot. Can’t say I blame him.
14. DNP-Coach’s Decision – He checked out weeks ago... I only list him here as a courtesy.
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